The Giants Travel To DC For The Franchise's Biggest Must-Lose Game Of The Decade, The Century, Or Maybe Ever
Here we go Giants fans. I know it takes a lot to get up for a game since this team is in the shitter for the third season in a row. But we need to be rooting against our boys in blue in what is truly the biggest Must Lose game of the decade, if not longer.
As you can see in the Tankathon standings above, the loser of today's game will pretty much have Chase Young's destiny in their hands unless the Bengals go Full Bengals and draft Young over Joe Burrow, a fellow former Ohio State Buckeye that just beat out Young for the Heisman and happens to play the most important position in all of sports or if Young decides to risk millions of dollars to play another year in college with his teammates for the price of a scholarship. While some people say you cannot put a price on education, lets just agree that it's around $35 million considering Young can go back to finish his *checks notes* Criminal Justice degree whenever he would like, regardless of what he said to a TMZ camera while knowing he has 1-2 games left with his teammates as he readies for the College Football Playoff.
Which means today's battle of the two worst teams in the worst division in football is so goddamn important since it likely means Chase Young will be terrorizing the quarterback the winning team selected in this year's draft. Every time Daniel Jones or Dwayne Haskins get OBLITERATED by Young over the next 5-10 years, every person that works or roots for their franchise will think about today's game.
Which is why I am begging any Giants coaches/players/executives reading this to just throw the goddamn game. Don't make it so obvious that Roger Goodell and his bumbling fool lieutenants penalize us a pick. But bring this guy to New York to hopefully be anywhere NEAR the monster off the edge that the Giants drafted with the 2nd pick of the 1981 draft (I won't ask Chase Young to be the next LT because that is football blaspheme).
The Giants and Jets both tied each other with a 4-12 record that year, which means LT was potentially one meaningless Week 17 win by the Jets over the Dolphins away from being drafted and probably being ruined Gang Green (I say this as a Knicks fan that acknowledges the Knicks would have ruined Steph Curry if he slipped to them in the draft). This reminds me of what the greatest philosopher in cinematic history once said:
It's truly all hands on deck today considering Saquon Barkley has been looking better every week since returning from his ankle sprain, Daniel Jones will be taking the reins of the offense back from Eli, that Buckethead Shurmur likely thinks he still has a chance to save his job if he finishes the season strong, and Vegas has moved the Giants from 3 point underdogs to a 1 point road favorite along with the Dolphins going from a 3 point favorite to a 1.5 point home dog. So the odds are literally against the Giants staying locked in that very comfortable 2 spot as of now. I hate rooting for the R-Words and the quarterback the Giants passed on in this draft as much as the next guy. But I am willing to do that in order to land a player that can turn our defense from pure garbage to maybe actually good. #HTTR for today and today only.
Here's to Daniel Jones putting up 350 yards, 4 touchdowns, and a fumble at the worst possible time that he will learn such a profound rookie lesson that he never fumbles again because it cost the Giants the game today.
P.S. Whoever buys this shirt should be locked up by the government, brought in for substantial questioning, and maybe even thrown on the terrorist watch list.